I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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