I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
