Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
