So drunk its hurt
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
