Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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