I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize