You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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