My balls are so social today.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
