Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
