Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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