At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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