My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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