JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
