I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
