you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize