I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
