sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
