I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
A+ Viking dick
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
