Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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