Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
