he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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