we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
