drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
