Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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