I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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