doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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