you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
