great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize