Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
