his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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