I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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