What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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