I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I will die if light touches me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
