Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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