mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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