$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
