CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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