glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
