Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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