he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
