She is in my trunk
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
