I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
