Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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