Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
