that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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