dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
try to milk me bitch
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