My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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