My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
