...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
