he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
