Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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