So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
