you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
