My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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