Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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