Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My feet surprised me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
