Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm too high and old for this...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
