Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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