Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
