Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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