I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
