yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
