Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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