i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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