You can't motorboat a personality
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
