yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
