a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
