I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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