i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
