We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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