This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
