He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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