I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
