barbara walters just said penis...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
