i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
