This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
