I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Holy sore nipples Batman
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
