I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
