Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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