How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
